Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Irony - Brignon Style, Conversations with Paige and a Few REALLY Yummy Recipes

Some people call it the Bowden curse, but I like to call it a special form of irony...you know, when you find something that works wonders for you in one aspect but f*cks you in another?  Yeah - that kind of irony.

I stopped taking Cymbalta a few months ago because it was doing more damage to my already short term memory issues from my concussion and it wasn't very liver friendly for me.  However, it helped with a lot of chronic pain I have from Lupus, my myriad of stomach issues (yes, I'm serious) and my tendency to be a rageaholic.  My memory had just deteriorated to the point that I literally had no recollection of what I had just done.  After very careful consideration from two physicians, I stopped taking it.  While my memory has somewhat improved (I no longer wash my hair multiple times each morning), my chronic pain has returned, which sucks.  I've started taking another chill pill so that I don't kill anyone, but it just isn't the same.  Cymbalta was like a miracle drug for me in so many ways, but I was on a very fast train to CRS Land and if not taking it would help restore my memory, then I had to explore that option.  I'm still not convinced that I've regained enough of my short term memory to justify not taking the Cymbalta anymore, but I said I'd give it 6 months and I still have a few to go.  (Between you and me, I'm counting the days until I refill my Cymbalta RX!!!!)

Next on the agenda, my FABULOUS hormone shots.  Again, extremely helpful for some of the female bullshit I've got going on right now....but, guess what - Lupron causes bone loss and osteoporosis.  I have been baffled as to why my left hip has been killing me for the past four months.  I found out Monday and I was just like, "WTF????"  I finally find something that works for me and it's slowly eating away at my hip.  The upside (so maybe this doesn't count as shitty irony) is that I have plenty of refills on my hydrocodone!!!  I seriously could not figure out what the hell was going on with my hip and when I went in for my follow up on Monday, he sort of spelled it out for me.  I have to have a bone density test now.  Yay.  I'm so excited.

So, that is my sad tale of irony and how it has worked against me for the past six months.  A side note to my doctor's appointment on Monday, though - I took Paige so that she and Dr. Truong could see each other.  He hasn't seen her since he delivered her and I wanted him to see the "Miracle Baby Born at 30 Weeks".  She and I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for him and the NICU at St Paul/UTSW and now that she's gotten older, we've been able to tell her some of the things that went on during and after her birth without scaring her.  She's so curious and always wants to know about when she was a baby, but we've always been careful about what we've told her.  It was really cool to see them meet.  He told her the reason she was so smart and coolnwas because he was the first one to touch her and he transferred his coolness to her.  She ate that shit up. 

Speaking of Paige.....

I've got some really good ones in store :)

A few weeks ago, I told ya'll about her latest adventure - songwriting.  Well, she was over at my mom's last week and was working on a new song.  The title?

If You Want It, I Can Fake It.

Yep, you read that correctly.  My child wrote a song called If You Want It, I Can Fake It.

She swears she was talking about Karaoke.  I sure as shit hope so. 

Her friend Abby spent a few nights over here and the first night the girls played dress up.  Paige told my mom she dressed up as a "Goth" but couldn't tell my mom what that meant.  She said she knew she was "Goth" because she had on dark lipstick. 

A few days later, she asked me to fix her hair in a "dirty ponytail", like the one they put in Abby's hair.  I wasn't quite sure what that was and I know the look on my face clearly expressed that to Paige.  So she says:

"You know, a dirty ponytail."

Me:  No, I don't know.

Paige:  A dirty ponytail is how girls wear their hair when they want to look trashy and hot.

I just looked at her!!!!  I don't think she had any idea what she was really saying.  I told her no and that she didn't need to go around telling people she wanted to wear her hair in a dirty ponytail so she could look trashy and hot.  God....I am so paying for my raising.  And it didn't stop there.

We were watching the Olympics Saturday night and Paige looks at me and says:

"Mommy, not everyone has nipples."

Me:  WHAT?????????

Paige:  Nipples.  Those things on your face when you smile.  (OMG...it just gets worse!!!)

Me:  You mean, dimples?

Paige:  I guess.  I thought they were called nipples.

Me:  No!!!!  They are called dimples.  Please do not call them nipples.

Paige:  Okay.  But does everyone have nipples?

Me:  Yes, everyone has nipples.  Can we stop talking about this??

I couldn't wait to call my mom and tell her about that.  I could hardly keep from laughing long enough to tell her.  Oh Paige.....

So we got up and walked early Tuesday morning.  We were walking by the Patak's and Paige moos at his cows.  She then tells me that she doesn't know what she's saying when she moos, but those cows know because they moo back to her.  She moos again because she knows that they'll know what she's saying even though she doesn't know.  And that is how she talks to the cattle.  She doesn't know what she's saying, and she doesn't know what they're saying back to her, but they answer her, so they must know, so she keeps talking to them.

This was all pre coffee at 7 am in the morning.  I love my child.

On a very positive note, I made chicken tacos Saturday night and my child ACTUALLY ate the chicken even though it had been simmered in a tomato sauce.  I almost fell over.  And, she ate another one on Sunday.  Unheard of!!!

So let's talk about these chicken tacos.  You can do them in the slow cooker or on the stove in a dutch oven like I did.  Either way, they are awesome!  Serve along with some rice and beans and you've got a delicious dinner!

Cadillac Cowgirl Chicken Tacos

3-4 lbs Chicken Breasts
1 2 oz package Mild Bill's Taco Seasoning
1 28 oz can Diced Tomatoes, undrained
1 4 oz can Diced Green Chiles undrained
Salt and Pepper

Season each side of the chicken breasts with salt and pepper.  In a large covered skillet or dutch oven, brown the chicken breasts on each side.  Once brown, add the diced tomatoes, green chiles, and taco seasoning; stir to combine.  If necessary, add a little water to make sure that the chicken breasts are covered with liquid, but don't drown them.  Bring to a boil, cover and then turn the heat to medium low.  Simmer until done and the liquid has reduced some - about 45 minutes.  Remove the chicken breasts and allow them to cool.  Once they are cool enough to handle, shred the meat and return to the tomato mixture.  Stir to combine and warm them over low heat.  Use either soft or crispy taco shells and top with cheese, sour cream, lettuce or whatever you prefer.  This recipe easily serves four hungry adults :)

I had enough of the cooking liquid left over and I used it to make my Mexican rice.  It was a little spicier than usual (well, I am the Spice Mistress) and we all loved the extra flavor it gave the rice.  If you are making rice to go with the tacos, use some of the excess liquid in place of the tomato sauce, chicken broth or water you would use in your (or the recipe I've posted before) recipe.  I think you'll love how it turns out!

I love fried chicken.  I'm picky about my fried chicken and it's always been something I endeavored to make on my own.  To me, Babe's has the best chicken hands down.  I also love Popeye's (especially their mashed potatoes and gravy OMG) and my mom's is pretty damn good, too.  I have tried and failed so many times to prepare delicious, thoroughly cooked on the inside and not burnt on the outside fried chicken.  I finally achieved my goal and I think I actually reached Fried Chicken Nirvana.  Below is my recipe - try it and enjoy this deliciousness with mashed potatoes, cream gravy and hot buttered biscuits.  (And no, this is not supposed to be healthy, so be careful not to make it too often!!!)

Cadillac Cowgirl Fried Chicken

4 Chicken Breasts, boneless and skin on
4-5 Chicken Thighs, bone in and skin on
1/2 Quart Buttermilk
4 teaspoons Seasoning Salt
2 teaspoons Mild Bill's Telicherry Pepper
3-4 Dashes Louisiana Hot Sauce
3/4 Cups Milk
1 Egg, beaten
2 Cups All Purpose Flour
2 Tablespoons Baking Powder
5-6 Cups Vegetable or Peanut Oil for frying

In a very large bowl or resealable bag, cover the chicken with the buttermilk and 2 teaspoons each of the seasoning salt, telicherry pepper and a few dashes of the hot sauce.  Cover (or seal the bag) and refrigerate overnight, or for at least six hours.  About twenty minutes prior to frying the chicken, remove it from the fridge in order to take the chill off of it.  While it's hanging out, set up your wet and dry stations.  Using either a resealable bag or a pie plate, combine the milk, a few dashes of hot sauce and egg in one and the flour, baking powder and remaining two teaspoons each of the seasoning salt and pepper in the other; combine well.  Once your stations are set up, pour your oil in a deep cast iron chicken fryer or dutch oven.  Bring the temperature of the oil to 350 degrees.  Remove the chicken from the marinade and shake off any excess buttermilk; dip it into the milk and egg mixture and then into the flour mixture and shake off any extra flour.  Place the chicken into the hot oil and fry in batches for 20-25 minutes or until the chicken floats.  Once you've got the chicken frying, lower the temperature to medium so that the outside doesn't burn in the first 5 minutes of frying!  As you start new batches, you'll  need to increase the heat to bring it back up to 350 and then reduce it a little to keep it from burning to a crisp.  Remember, the dark pieces (thighs) will take longer to cook, so keep that in mind if you fry the breasts and thighs together.  Don't crowd the chicken into the frying oil because it will not only reduce the temperature of the oil, but it will also prevent you from being able to turn them so that they brown evenly on both sides.  The chicken will float when it's done, so that is also a good guideline when checking to see if they are done.  If you are using a meat thermometer, make sure when you insert it into the chicken, you don't let it touch the bone; that will give you an inaccurate reading.  The temp on the thermometer should reach 160 for the chicken to be cooked thoroughly.  Drain on a paper towel lined baking sheet and allow to cool slightly before serving.  Enjoy!!!!

I think I'm going to sign off for now.  Bubba turned 18 today and we are going to Pappas Monday to celebrate his birthday.  I can't believe he's 18 years old.  It seems like just yesterday he was playing with his Pokemon game cards :)

Have a FANTABULOUS weekend....and Keep It Spicy :)

Spreading my own special brand of whatever I can get my hands on......

The Cadillac Cowgirl

Monday, July 30, 2012

Mmmmm.....Delicious!!!!!

Today was DEFINITELY a Monday!!!  You ever have one of THOSE days?  I definitely did!!!  Gary and I decided to go to Chili's for a cocktail and light supper.  We each had a margarita and we split fajitas.  It hit the spot and we've been hunkered down at home in the A/C since then.  Gary took a power nap, I caught up on my DVR'd episodes of French Food at Home and Keeping Up With The Kardashians.  If that doesn't speak to my diverse interests, then I don't know what does.  I like to be just as well versed in the highbrow as I do the lowbrow :)

This weekend I kicked ass in the kitchen!  I made shrimp salad Saturday night and a new potato salad last night to go with our smoked pork shoulder.  Gary totally rocked the pork shoulder.  He smoked it up at the store yesterday.  He rubbed it with Mild Bill's Spirit of the West BBQ Rub and glazed it with our Sassy Syrup.  It ROCKED!!!  Here are the recipes for the shrimp salad and potato salad. 

Cadillac Cowgirl Shrimp Salad

1 1/2 lbs fully cooked shrimp, peeled and deveined with tails removed
1/4 cup diced celery
1/4 cup diced shallot
1 Tablespoon chopped flat leaf parsley
1 Tablespoon Mild Bill's Cajun Seasoning
1/2 cup mayonnaise (feel free to adjust for your consistency preference)
Salt and pepper to taste

Mix the above ingredients in a medium bowl; taste for seasoning and adjust as necessary.  Cover and chill for at least an hour.  Serve with crackers, stuffed in tomatoes or avocados, or over a a bed of lettuce :)  You could also use the filling to make shrimp rolls.  Buy some French bread rolls or really good hot dog buns.  Toast and fill with the shrimp salad.  Viola!

Cadillac Cowgirl Potato Salad

2 lbs small red potatoes (you can normally buy the 2 lb bag at the store.  I like this option because the potatoes are really small and they'll cook quicker.)
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup chopped celery
1/4 cup chopped red onion or shallot
1 Tablespoon chopped parsley
1 Tablespoon Mild Bill's Jalapeno Ranch Dip Mix
3 boiled eggs, chopped (whites only)
Salt and pepper to taste

In a large pot, boil the potatoes in salted water over medium high heat until tender - about 20 minutes.  Once fork tender, drain and cool.  In a large bowl, mix all of the ingredients and taste for seasonings adjusting the salt and pepper to taste.  Serve warm immediately or chill in the refrigerator until ready to serve.  I like to serve it warm, but it's good either way.

Paige has been at Gammy's since Friday.  I took on my closet over the weekend and while I made quite a dent in it, I'm still not finished.  At least you can see the carpet in the floor now.  I know, I know.  It's pathetic.  I mean, what 38 year old woman allows her closet to just go to shit?  Well, this one.  I will say I inventoried all of my purses, wallets, boots and turquoise jewelry and everything is present and accounted for.  That was actually my goal - to get all of that put back in it's proper place.  Look, we all have our vices and mine is purses.  And turquoise jewelry.  And boots.  I admit that I am a slave to those things and it pained me that my jewelry wasn't in it's designated area, my boots weren't up on the shelves and my purses weren't in their protective bags.  Now they are and balance has been restored to my life :)

The dogs were not down with my cleaning plans.  In fact, they did everything they could to discourage me from cleaning.  They'd lay on the bed exposing their muffins for belly rubs.  They'd drag my shit out of the bathroom so I'd have to run after them to get it back.  They'd come sit in my lap or in the middle of the floor where I was trying to clean.  They simply couldn't understand why I didn't want to just lay on my ass all day and do nothing and frankly, I see their point.  That closet kicked my ass!!  But hey, I made progress on a project that I've needed to tackle for a looooong time, so it's all good!

I wanted to give a shout out to all of the Mild Bill's customers that placed over the weekend.  Way to go!!  I love to see all of our customers cooking, placing and having a great time - especially with the freshest spices out there :)

Spreading my own special brand of kindness, joy and spicy love.......

The Cadillac Cowgirl

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Pioneer Woman, You Can Kiss My Barefoot Contessa Lovin Ass!!

Wow!!!  Strong words from my usually scandal free blog these days.....

I miss those days.  Typing what came into my head and usually out of my mouth.  Pissing people off with just a few well placed and sometimes passive aggressive barbs....

The good old days.

But alas, I have had to curb my sharp tongue and partner in crime fingers when communicating orally and in the written word.  That's okay.  It really hasn't been all that terrible - I just like to complain about it every now and then.

Back to my bold statement about the Pioneer Woman, aka Ree Drummond.  I do admit to making and recreating some of her recipes and owning her first cookbook.  I actually liked her a few years ago, but then I became put off by her (wow - do we have something in common or what?!?!?!).  I'm a big proponent of "owning it".  Whether it be your bitchiness, your lifestyle, whatever...I just don't do well with fake people (as professed in several previous blog posts).  I have a serious problem with someone who wants people to think she's an isolated little ranch wife with limited resources when in fact she's married to one of the wealthiest cattle ranchers in the US, lives in a huge home along with a separate ranch house she's completely renovated, is highly educated, shops at Neimans, owns several pairs of Lucchese boots and uses La Mer facial cream. 

Now, I know some of you are asking, "Jesus - so what?  Jealous?"

That's an easy assumption; but, no, it's not that.  Had it not been for a few well placed posts on her blog and people on the internet searching about her and her husband, most people might still be under the assumption that she's got a rough ranch life.  WHATEVER!!  I'd have more respect for her if she owned up to those things about herself instead of leading people to believe she's isolated (only in terms of location) and not at all schooled in the finer things in life.

This leads me to the rest of my title, The Barefoot Contessa, aka Ina Garten.

I KNOW she's polarizing.  But at least you know why you do or don't like her.  There's no public vs. private persona with her.  She lives in the Hamptons and has an apartment on the Left Bank in Paris.  She built a party barn kitchen and regularly features her Hamptons lifestyle and likeminded friends on her show.  You see her driving her Mercedes and BMW through the Hamptons while she goes shopping at the cheese shops, butcher shops and seafood stores of East Hampton.  Her husband, Jeffrey, sits on the board of Aetna.  THE WOMAN IS LOADED AND SHE OWNS IT.

So there you have it - my side in the Hamptons vs. Middle America debate.  I am clearly an Ina Garten apologist....LOL!  My husband is not big on her, but he realizes 90% of the food he eats is inspired by her.  Whether I have something in common with someone or not, I want to at least know that there is authenticity to them.  Don't we all, really?  I believe we all want to know who and what we're dealing with....the very basic interpretation of "what you see is what you get", right?

Okay, enough for my rant.  I just had to get that off my chest.  I know that my food style can be more Pioneer Woman than Barefoot Contessa at times, but I always strive to serve my casseroles with an East Hampton flair :)

Conversations with Paige....wow.....she has not disappointed lately.  As witnessed by my sister last Wednesday:

Paige:  Mommy, what is the Adult DVD store?

Neither of us answered her.  Not when she asked us the first time.  Not when she asked us the fifth time.  I am not having that conversation with my 8 year old.  Ever.  Period.

One of Paige's friends spent the night with her and Paige complained about her "sexy feeling in her throat".  I told her before they went to bed I'd give her one of her Tums.  She turned to her friend and completely straight faced asked her:

"Have you thrown up in your mouth today?  My mommy has something you can take if you have."

Her friend looked at her like she was a wacko!!

Speaking of wacko, Paige also told her friend that I like to call her a crackhead.  Please, please, please, Paige....don't tell your friends shit like that.  It gets back to their moms......

Paige:  Mommy, Abby and I are going to own a fashion design company when we grow up.
Me:  That's awesome.
Paige:  Do you want to know what we are going to call it?
Me:  I'd love to.
Paige:  Shimmer and Shine, because the women who wear our clothes will shimmer and shine in our designs.
Me:  Oh Paige, that's wonderful (trying to keep a straight face)
Paige:  Yeah, I know.  And I'll make clothes for you.  They'll be so shiny.  I'll even make them big enough to fit your, you know.....(pointing to her chest).
Me:  Thanks Paige, that's great.
Paige:  I know.  That'll be a lot of fabric.
Me:  smiling.....just smiling :)

My blog post keeps being interrupted by my having to remind Gary of conversations we had last night.  He was a tad overserved at the Hall.  Imagine that.  It's kind of funny actually.

I mopped and cleaned the kitchen yesterday evening.  Today I'm going to dedicate myself to the laundry.  I had Gary string up a FANTABULOUS redneck clothesline for me in the backyard.  It helps speed up the laundry process and it's very eco and energy friendly.  I personally like to line dry sheets and blankets and it's also great to use so you can go ahead and hang up shirts instead of hanging them up out of the dryer.  That is where I fail in my battle against the evil laundry trolls.  I will do the laundry to the extent of washing it and throwing it the dryer, but I hate, hate, hate putting the shit up.  And no one else around here does it, so unless I do it, it doesn't get done.  Read:  laundry doesn't get done!!!

We took all three kids and seven of Tyler's buddies to float the river last weekend.  We stayed at Lazy L and L on the Guadalupe and loved it.  It's just a perfect place to stay and the staff is wonderful.  Our 3 hour float turned into a 6 hour float (theme from Gilligan's Island comes to mind) and it was fantastic!!  Everyone had such a great time and we even managed to squeeze in a trip to the Gristmill.  Hell yeah!!!!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.  Stay cool and keep it spicy!!!

The Spice Mistress





Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Cadillac Cowgirl Breakfast Taters

Paige is a HUGE fan of breakfast for dinner - and really, who's not?  The Juicy of Love and Deliciousness (between random Whoopie Cushion stunts) requested a breakfast dinner last night.  Who am I to tell her no?  I prepared the usual - eggs, bacon, biscuits (which served as a vehicle for Mild Bill's new Terlingua Sunrise Habanero Jelly) and breakfast potatoes.  Below is my recipe for these delicious little morsels.

Cadillac Cowgirl Breakfast Taters

1 lb peeled and diced potatoes (I use Russet or Yukon Gold)
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 tsp Mild Bill's Budda Burger Seasoning
Vegetable Oil
1 tsp Butter

Heat up a large non stick skillet (that has a cover) and add the vegetable oil.  I'm going to pull a Rachel Ray and tell you about two turns of the skillet.  Add the potatoes and onions and toss in the skillet to coat with the veggie oil.  Sprinkle the Budda Burger Seasoning and coat again.  Turn the heat to medium, cover and cook (stirring frequently) for about 20-25 minutes or until the potatoes are tender.  I adjust the heat to medium low during the last 5-10 minutes just to keep them from getting overly browned or burned!  Before removing from heat, add the teaspoon of butter and stir the potatoes around so that they are evenly coated with the butter.  Adjust seasonings to taste and serve!

These yummy potatoes can also be combined with sausage, eggs and salsa for DELICIOUS breakfast tacos.  Hell Yeah!

Paige would like for Gilbert and Lollipop to legalize their relationship.  She's been dropping hints the past few days about buying Lollipop a wedding dress and Gilbert a tux.  She says we can marry them, then they can go back to one of their igloos and we can let them have a private time honeymoon. 

That's what I'm talkin about.  Guinea Love - Ellis Co. Style.  Let the lumping begin on Chmelar Rd :)

Keep it real - and legalize Guinea marriage!!!

The Cadillac Cowgirl

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Eastbound and Down, Loaded up on Xanax.......

Well, technically, it's southeast bound and down in our case.  We've booked our trip to New Orleans for our anniversary.  YES!!!!  YES! YES! YES!!!

We arrive in NOLA on Friday 8/10 at 8:50 am.  This gives us time to check our bags at the hotel, mainline some coffee at Cafe DuMond (gotta wake up from my Xanacoma as we will be flying) and then head over to Mother's for lunch.  I can already taste the Ferdie Special with Debris.....mmmmmmmmm...........

Our hotel is within blocks of Mothers, Acme Oyster Bar, Muriel's and all of our favorite places in the French Quarter.  I seriously cannot wait to get there.  It's really not that far away and I am so freakin anxious to get away and just have a good time in my favorite city.  Red Dress Run here we come!!!

Gary came up to the store Sunday and smoked two racks of ribs using both Spirit of the West BBQ Rub and Mild Bill's BBQ Rub.  He also basted them with our Mild Bill's BBQ Sauce and they were FANTASTIC!  I made Trisha Yearwood's Crock Pot Mac and Cheese and a big pot of beans to go with the ribs.  Dinner was fantastic.  Here is the recipe for my beans.

Cadillac Cowgirl Pinto Beans

1 lb dried pinto beans
4 slices slab bacon, diced
1 medium onion, diced
1 can chicken broth plus 3 cans of water
1 Tbsp Mild Bill's Bean Seasoning

In a large soup pot or dutch oven, soak the beans for a few hours or overnight; drain and pick out any bad pieces; set aside.  Using the same soup pot or dutch oven, add the diced bacon and cook it until it starts to brown; add the diced onion and cook over medium low heat until the onion starts to soften - about 5 minutes.  Add the beans back in and pour in the chicken broth plus the three cans of water.  Bring to a boil and add the bean seasoning.  Stir to combine, cover and turn the heat down to medium.  Simmer over medium to medium low heat until the beans are tender (about 2 hours).  Add more water as needed (use warm or hot water so as not to bring the temperature down; you want to keep an even simmer) and more bean seasoning to taste if needed.  Serve with cornbread and enjoy!

I keep forgetting my fried chicken recipe.  I need to remember to bring it to the store with me so I can post it.  It's pretty bad ass if I do say so myself.

Yesterday, Paige asked me how old I was when I got my Expedition.  I told her I thought I was 34 or 35, but that I couldn't remember for sure.  She then asked me if I liked being old.  I told her I was only 38.....

She said, "Yeah.  You're old.  Do you like it?"

Can you believe that?  38 is now considered old by my child.  I guess I 'll have to start telling her I'm too old to take her places....hahahaha!

Speaking of.....

Our first river trip of the summer is this coming weekend.  Hallelujah Jesus, Mary and Joseph.  We are all looking forward to floating and relaxing and just having a great time.  We also booked RV sites for Labor Day weekend, also known as "The weekend Kelly stalks Charlie Robison for her birthday"!!!

I better get to work.  It's been a busy summer at Mild Bill's!  I'm happy to announce two new items - Terlingua Sunrise Habanero Jelly and Orange Chile Marmalade.  They are both out of this world delicious :)

Have a great Tuesday!!

Spreading my own special brand of kindness and joy in all that I do.......

The Cadillac Cowgirl

Friday, July 13, 2012

Things I've Realized.....

Summer does not offer all of the wonderful opportunities for conversations with Paige.  We aren't in the car a whole lot, she's not around all of her friends and she spends a whole lot of time at Gammy's....LOL!!!  Now, my mom and Paige have some crazy talks, but I can never remember them long enough to post them....hahahaha!

We went to Harvey West's last weekend and of course the girls took their bathing suits.  Paige was having a serious ADD meltdown Saturday morning when I told her that she didn't have to get dressed, she could just put her bathing suit on.  She totally freaked out.

"But what about my panties?"

This child doesn't want to wear them half the time and the other half, they aren't even clean.  All of a sudden, when I'm telling her to just put on her bathing suit, she is concerned about wearing underwear. 

Unknown to me, Paige put her bathing suit on OVER her undies.  I had no idea until she came back in the trailer a few hours later and laid this one on me:

"Why don't people recognize that I'm wearing panties?"

Apparently, we are all now supposed to comment on Paige's ability to not only put on underwear, but to applaud her for wearing them under her bathing suit.  Is the irony of this situation lost on everyone but me?  I have an eight year old daughter who doesn't want to wear underwear under her MASS jumper, but thinks they need to be worn under a bathing suit.  God help me.

Wednesday, Paige came to me and told me her tummy was hurting her.  We went through the symptoms, what she ate, etc and I basically told her to just make sure she told Mommy if she started feeling worse.  Well, a few minutes later she tells me that when she burps, stuff comes up....but she doesn't feel like she's going to throw up.  She had reflux as a baby and considering my GI issues, it's not surprising that she would have some issues, too.  So, when we left Mild Bill's, we went to the grocery store and I picked up some Kid's Tums for her.  She took one and it seemed to help.  Later on, I was sitting in the living room and she comes in and asks me, "What is that sexy feeling I get in my throat?"

I looked at her and asked, "WHAT???????"

Well, I scared her when I screamed that at her (I didn't mean to, but my God....what else do you do when your kid asks you a question like that?) and she was like, "I got mixed up...what did you call that when the stuff came back up?"

I ask, "you mean reflux?"

"Yes, sorry....I got confused."

No shit, I'm thinking......

So once I made sure she understood that it's called "acid reflux" and not "sexy feeling", I asked her if she was feeling bad again and she told me no, but that she just couldn't remember the name of it.

Here's hoping she remembers from now on.  OMG - can you imagine her telling her teacher that in 3rd grade.  "Hey, Mrs. Taylor, I got a sexy feeling in my throat when I burp."

Paige still had more to offer that night.  She came in the kitchen with a black Sharpie marker and, I swear to God, this really came out of my kid's mouth:

"Mommy, this says it's a permanent marker and when I write on my calendar, it won't come off.  How am I supposed to get it off if it's permanent?"

I say to her, "Well, Paige, it's permanent....it's not going to come off."

"Oh", she says.  "So, you're saying it's permanent and won't go away?"

"Yes", I tell her...it's not going to go away.  "That's what permanent means."

"I see.  Is this what they use on your tattoos?"

(Laughing) "Uh, no.  They use a different kind of ink and put it in a tattoo gun that has a needle attached to it and it tattoos the ink on you."

And as any highly evolved eight year old would wonder, "Mommy, why would you use a needle with ink when you can just use permanent Sharpie markers for your tattoos?"

I love my child :)

It's been a fun week with the Juicy.  She and I are learning French together and she is writing songs.  Yes, she's becoming a little songwriter.  She's been writing about a "Thriller Killer" on Halloween, a girl with no soul and broken guitar strings.  There is never a dull moment.  Oh, and she's jacked up because Directv dropped Nickelodeon.  And I mean SERIOUSLY jacked up.  I didn't think she was going to make it when they took the Upside Down Show off the air.  She cried about that. 

I'm off to do some canning.  I have a badass fried chicken recipe I need to post.  I forgot to bring it with me.

Have a fantabulous weekend and good luck if you are cooking chili....and Keep it Spicy!!

Spreading the unmistakable aroma of (fresh) cumin everywhere I go.......

The Spice Mistress

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Size Really Does Matter.....

Yes, according to Paige, small weenies are better than big weenies.  Big weenies can hurt you.  Big weenies are heavy.

Hey pervs - get your minds out of the gutter!  She's talking about weiner dogs....you know, Waylon and Eddie :)

Still, at 7 am when your child asks you if you like big weenies or small weenies better, your mind tends to wander.

I can't believe I haven't blogged in a month.  That's a lot of Paigeisms gone to waste.  In the past month, she's requested Hooters for Fathers Day (denied) and told everyone at Sam's Pizza she likes to suck the flavor off her fingers.  There have been a few more good ones, but I didn't write them down and I certainly didn't get around to blogging about them :(  The kid is a laugh a minute.  She's always so full of witty remarks and is really just the sweetest child ever.  Since school's been out, she's spent the night with two BFF's and I'm happy to report she carried clean underwear in her overnight bag each time.  I feel like progress is being made. 

I'm in the process of removing rust from one of my cast iron lids, drinking and blogging.  One is not so dangerous (ever since I almost blew up the house cleaning the oven, I always check it before I turn it on) and the other two, well....it could get a little dicey depending on how many glasses of wine I have the rest of the evening.  I scrubbed my cast iron lid with veggie oil and salt and I've got it in the oven right now.  I think it's going to need another round of scrubbing before it's completely rust free.  Gary is in bed and so is Paige.  I told her she was going to Gammy's tomorrow and she went straight to bed.  No shit!  Strategy for the school nights when I can't get her to go to bed, right?  I'm really impressed with Paige right now.  She's been trying new foods and I'm so proud that she's getting a little more variety in her diet.  In the past month, she's started eating tuna with mayo on a sandwich and she's added meatballs to her spaghetti.  This was the age when Tyler finally started eating something other than chicken and corn, so maybe there is hope for her yet.  She's also become obsessed with Harry Potter.  She's read all of the books and is currently watching the movies.  I'm so excited to see her reading for fun. 

I want to really go batshit crazy over this whole Regional Referee thing that I've gotten caught up in, but I'm not going to.  I yelled about it to Gary for about 20 minutes tonight and even though I think it's a bunch of BS, I'm not going to air it out on my blog.  It is what it is.  Thankfully, there are enough people out there who do know what I'm talking about, so I don't have to go into anymore detail for them to nod their heads in agreement with me :)

Harvey West's cook off is coming up next weekend and I am sooooooo excited!!!!  I love that cook off.  Hell, I may not even cook - I'm just looking forward to hanging out with friends, enjoy some good eating and relaxing.  I'm going to take it easy this weekend, do some canning and as usual, scrub my friggin floors.  I'm telling you, it's a hell of a life I lead!

Have I blogged since Polka Fest?  I don't think I have.  It was a blast and we sold an ASSLOAD of BBQ Sandwiches!  We had a great weekend, except when the A/C went out at the store.  That wasn't so much fun.  It's since been fixed, thank God, but it was HOT in there!  We were open Saturday and Sunday and had such a good time visiting with people who knew Stanley J. was smoking briskets and made sure they were there to get a BBQ sandwich.  We sold some spices and chili, but mainly people came to get a Stanley J. special.  I think we are going to smoke a few briskets for July 4th.  I was kind of BBQ'd out after Polka Fest, but I'm ready for another go round!

I'm still obsessed with Armie Hammer as Christian Grey, but uh.....Magic Mike???  OMG,. WTF???  Ladies!!!!  The hot pieces of ass in that movie are almost too much for me to take at one time.  I think I'm going to go see it tomorrow night, but I'm not entirely sure.  I'm not a big Channing Tatum fan, but even he looks hot.  I can't wait to see Matthew McConaughy and Joe Mangienello......YUM.  YUM YUM YUM!!!

I redecorated and repainted the Cowgirl Cadillac.  I combined the cowgirl motif of the CC with the shabby chic decor of Pussywillow Rose for an awesome shabby cowgirl interior.  I love it!  I repainted the outside of my Shasta - she's now light blue on the bottom and still white on top.  I pulled up the carpet and laid faux wood flooring and it looks amazing.  I need to find a few things for my kitchen countertop, but other than that, I've got it exactly the way I want it.  I'm actually down to just one trailer now.  Wow....

Time to start looking for another one...hahahaha!!

I guess it's time to refill my wine glass and check on my lid.  I can smell it.  I'm not alarmed, though.  The house hasn't started to fill with smoke and there aren't any toxic fumes wafting through the house.  The babies are in bed with their daddy.  They were going BSC about a skunk on the front porch earlier.  It was a baby.  And, in true redneck fashion, my husband and child were watching it through the window.  Gary turned the sprinklers on and it hauled ass out of the flower beds.  Cheap entertainment on Chmelar Road.  It's how we roll.

Keep it real.....and spread some kindness and joy while you're at it :)

The Spice Mistress