Thursday, September 19, 2013

Get Off That Soapbox - You're In My Way.....

I know that we all want to help one another when cooking chili and I for one encourage cooks to give their recipe to a newbie in hopes of helping them learn how to cook chili, place at cook offs and enjoy what they're doing while they raise money for charity. (God knows I did...his name is Tom Dozier and I apologize :)...kidding, kidding!!)  With that said, be careful who you give your recipe to.  You never know who has gotten a hold of a recipe without the owner's knowledge or permission and is passing it out to other cooks.  Rule of thumb - if you get someone's recipe from someone other than them, then you can bet it's being given out behind that person's back. 

This pisses me off more than I can handle.  It just further cements the opinion of so many that chili cooks are only out for themselves when that is not the case.  It only takes a few bad apples (in this case one from my area) to give the rest of us a bad reputation. And it's not even done out of stupidity - it's done out of spite and the person doing it is doing it to get back at people they think have "wronged" them.  It's a bunch of BS. 

There are recipes on the CASI website, ICS website and my Mild Bill's website.  Good, legitimate recipes that any new or experienced chili cook can use to get qualified.  They can also tweak it to their tastes.  Nothing bothers me more than sneaky people trying to outdo someone doing well by either getting ahold of their recipe on the sly - or passing out someone's recipe as a way to try and keep them from continuing to place.  I hope that the competition part of what we do isn't turning people into win at all cost, cut throat cooks who don't care how they get where they've gotten....just as long as they get there.  I see people's recipes on a regular basis.  Someone will send me their recipe and ask me to help them, or to see if it needs to be tweaked.  I would NEVER betray that kind of confidence.  Not because I own a spice business and it would just be beyond ignorant for me to do something so stupid, but because I value the trust people place in me and I'd never, ever want someone to think that I'd do something so underhanded and wrong.  Just like I don't ever, ever share what people order.  That's just WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!  Most of the time I couldn't tell you what had been ordered to begin with.  I do have a verifiable shitty memory!

Don't get me wrong - I love a good point hog :)  And I love those that get their points, stop cooking and help the charities in other ways.  What I can't stand is a sneaky, spiteful person trying to undermine others by handing out recipes that they have no business sharing.  There are so many wonderful, honest and good hearted chili cooks out there willing to share their recipe and help a fellow chili cook.  All this particular individual is doing is making the ones happy to share their recipe think again.  It makes you wonder who all you're really helping!

Keep it real and real spicy!!

Okay....I feel better now.  At least for today. 

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Conversations with Paige

Paige:  Mommy, there it is. That's what I was trying to remember and tell you about. (She's pointing to the TV during a commercial.)

I look at her and then at the TV. Before I can respond she continues....

Paige:  That's that It's that website where you search your Incestry.

Me:  speechless
Me:  still speechless

Paige:  Mommy, did you hear me?

Me:  Yes, yes I did. You mean Ancestry.

Paige:  Yeah, that's what I said. Incestors. I told Mamaw's about it. She told me I need to search for all of the Brignon Incestors.

Me:  That sounds great. I can't wait for you to get started.

Paige:  Me either. Looking for Incestors and your Incestry is fun.

Have a FABULOUS evening ;)


With Friends Like These, Who in the HELL Needs Enemies?!?!?!?!

This was the title of my original blog post this morning.  My scathing, name calling, douchebaggery behavior-outing blog post that Sheriff Gary made me delete.

It was REALLY fun while it stayed up all of 3 minutes.

Man, I sure do miss those days of calling people out and letting the blogosphere know the little what I really do know, even though I choose to keep my mouth shut.  I know what people say about me behind my back.  I know not to trust the people who tell me to my face that I can trust them and they're our friends.  Hell, they're the biggest offenders!  I especially appreciate the ones that ask me for or about something then lie to my face as to why they're asking.

All because someone (not me, thank God) sent a text message meant for someone else about me (to me!!!  How did I get so lucky?!?!?!?!?!) at 5:30 this morning.  Clarity - even pre-caffeine - is a beautiful thing.  I love it when people show me their true colors and I no longer have to feel guilty for thinking the worst about someone.  Goes to show my gut is always spot on and I was right all along.  Best part - that faux pas saved us $240 a month on housecleaning services......

Something else I've been right about - my child!  All it took was a different style of learning and she is back on the math track!  She killed her test yesterday!  I am so proud of her and can't tell her enough how excited I am that she's got her math groove back.  It's my job to make sure my child has enough self confidence for 50 people in order to help her get through life.  I want Paige to know that she can do anything she puts her mind to.  I don't want her to suffer from low self esteem and self doubt.  I want her to shine no matter what.  I have enjoyed watching her gain back her confidence the last few weeks.

Regardless of the DB's in my life, I have so many incredible things to be thankful for....TJoL&D, homeschooling, orders, orders, orders, my AMAZING customers, our small group of friends that really aren't trying to screw us, my wonderful Sister on the Fly friends (partners in moonshine crime) my dogs, goats, egg producing hens, my family and even Sheriff Gary.  Thank you Lord for the blessings and lessons you bestow on me and my family every day!  This wasn't the most positive post and it might seem that I'm a negative, believe only the bad in people kind of person.  I'll be completely honest - I can be and I struggle with that every day.  I don't want to be that person any more.  I want to have a life full of positivity and love and NO DRAMA!!  If that means I keep my mouth shut even though I don't want to, then so be it.  But, if it also means I stand up for myself, my family and my business when it needs to be done, then you can bet your ass I'm going to do that as well.  There's being a bitch because you can be (totally guilty of that) and being a pushover.  You have to find a middle ground and not let people fuck with you because they think you're weak.  But, you also can't be an overbearing bitch because you don't want people to jack with you.  Such a delicate balance :)

I'm back to blending powders - also a delicate balance.  Thank you Lord for the mouth (literally and figuratively) you have given me.  Oh the things my mouth can do.

Wow - that sounded nasty!  Get your pervy minds out of the gutter :)

Spreading my own special brand of kindness, joy and dark chili powder today.....

The Spice Mistress

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Vocabulary 101

The indignant smart ass in me would like to really jack with some people.  However, at the insistence of my attorney and my mother, I'm going to continue to act like an adult and keep it classy.  In just a minute. As soon as I get something off my chest.

I think that if you are not directly involved in a situation that from the outside looks extremely volatile, then you shouldn't insert yourself into it.  Don't assume something is about you. If it is, you'll know. And while you're deciding if you want to be an instigator, I think it's important to keep a few vocabulary words in mind. They are: slander, libel and defamation of character. If your education level prevents you from knowing the meaning of those words, I urge you to either "Google that shit" or make friends with a dictionary. And if you still want to be involved, I suggest a really good attorney. There. I feel soooooo much better.

As my mother can attest, I have an issue with color. I like neutrals. Just ask Paige, too. Favorite colors - black, brown, gray (hhhmmmm). My house is neutral. Color scares me. I love my new vehicle, but it's a shade of blue (DB Blue, right Budda??). Well, this freakish fetish extends to my coffee cups as well. With the exception of my beloved bluebonnet and Gruene Mansion Inn coffee cups, all of mine are brown or white. Well, imagine my horror when I opened the box containing my Cafe Du Mond coffee cup purchased in NOLA and it was NOT the plain white mug I thought I had grabbed, but one with green and yellow writing all over it!  I am so bummed!  I want to drink my coffee out of my CDM mug, but it's soooo distracting. I know, I know....serious issues here. Like I said, I've got some freaky fetishes.

I'm posting from my phone, so I'm not sure if I can upload pictures of the Hump Brothers. They're such spoiled brats. Waylon tried to eat one of my chocolate peanut butter cupcakes last night. Crazy bastard.

My mom has been making me a peanut butter cake since I was five. Over the past few years, she's mixed it up by doing the cupcakes instead. I love chocolate - and these cupcakes have dark chocolate chips in them. As good as those things are, they are really only the vehicle for the peanut butter icing that is on top of them. Orgasmic.

I better get up and get my ass in gear. My busy season officially started on Tuesday. We have been blessed the last two years, my summers have not been slow. That's a good and bad thing - wonderful to be busy, but  not a lot of time to get ahead and stocked up. I'm not complaining. At all!

I need to say one more thing. I know that in the past I've had a hateful mouth and my fingers have been more than happy to type the shit I was thinking and saying. I'm not saying that I don't have my opinions about certain things and people anymore, either. I completely understand the difficulty people must have empathizing with me when I bitch about people running their mouths when I have run mine in the past. I shut my mouth for a few reasons. Number one - I wasn't going to screw my business by pissing off my customers with my polarizing opinions. Number two - I didn't like how I felt about myself knowing I had said something shitty about another person just because I could. And number three - if I did say it, it was my opinion and it wasn't being said knowing it was false and misleading. So, to those of you who think Karma's a bitch - well, it can be.  Trust me, I've thought that a few times over the past few weeks. On the other hand, I know I have stood up for myself with some of my latest comments and I wasn't just going off because I could. I chose to defend myself because it needed to be done - for my peace of mind and legally. I'm not going to keep responding to BS - that just keeps people entertained and with something to do when they have no life to begin with. I'm not going to continue to engage idiots (Never argue with an idiot. People might not know the difference). The small part of me that remains an optimist thinks Karma is going to be a bitch for those running their mouths about me and Gary because they think they can for the hell of it. I don't have a problem with people not liking me. There's a lot of people I don't like, either ;). To those who have sent words of support and encouragement, thank you. It means a lot to me and Gary and we appreciate all of you for being so kind.

Feeling 40 and Fabulous....

The Spice Mistress

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Wife, Mommy, Spice Queen, Tooth Fairy

Like most moms, I wear many hats. At 12:12 am, it was crucial that I put on my Tooth Fairy costume and complete a covert mission to Paige's room in order to exchange a molar for money. The little toot wouldn't go to sleep. I know she was trying to catch the Tooth Fairy. Alas, I outlasted the kiddo and snuck in unnoticed. God help us when she figures out its Mommy and Daddy. I've been (WARNING: SPOILER ALERT!!!) easing her into to whole Santa Claus situation - dropping hints there and there, but she's still very much a believer. That could be pretty ugly when the truth comes out.....

So, I'm almost 40. According to my mother, I was birfalized at 2:22 pm on a Tuesday afternoon. I vaguely remember angels singing and trumpets blaring ;). But I digress. So, while I'm awake at 12:22 am on my 40th birthday, alone. In my bed. Blogging. Again, I digress. I'm not freaked out by turning 40. I was probably drunk at 20, pregnant at 30, so I want to be optimistic at 40. For the record, I was optimistic while 30 and pregnant. Who knew I was going to stroke out and give birth 2 1/2 months early??  Where was I?  Oh - up after midnight and I've just turned 40. My dogs celebrated by pissing in my bed. Well, it was Waylon, not Eddie. Little shit. Then, while changing the sheets, they both have the balls (literally. They still have theirs) to give me dirty looks and do that whole annoyed low growl thing because I'm disturbing them. Whatever!!

We made our annual pilgrimage to Gruene last weekend. After sitting in traffic for SIX HOURS we made it to L&L. The girls and I went straight to the ribber. Zoe complained that it was too cold. Not my kid. Within mere seconds Paige was submerged in the smelly, trashy, yet healing waters of the Guadalupe river. That baby was going to swim and a dead fish-type odor wasn't going to stop her!  After some time at Devil's Playground, we returned to camp where Daddy had everything set up and dinner ready to grill. We spent Sunday on the ribber and then headed to Gruene Hall to see our man Charlie Robison. Thanks to a bunch of dumbasses who insisted on screaming at him to play Loving County, CR showed them who was boss and did NOT play Loving County. Yes, I was sad. I thought Gary was going to cry right there at the bar. However, Charles Fitzgerald Robison, broken foot and all, put on one hell of a show. He broke out a little Waylon - I don't think Hank done it this way - Some Elton John, Lynyrd Skynyrd and he ended John O'Reilly with a little Dropkick Murphy's. I love him. I personally believe that you could stalk him and as long as you didn't pull anything like a Fatal Attraction or bother his kids, or get too weird, he'd probably dig it.

Is that what 40 is?  Laying the parameters for acceptable stalking behavior?  Hhhhmmmm.....

Speaking of stalker-ish behavior, lets talk about the elephant in the room.

No, no, not that elephant on the Internet saying all sorts of crazy shit!  I'm talking about 50 Shades of Grey and Christian Grey, the sexiest stalker EVER!!  C'mon people. This is a grown up blog. (This is Vogue). Sorry - SATC moment there.

Since my man Armie Hammer declined to play the sexiest S&M'er around, the role went to Charlie Hunnam. Not ringing a bell? Jax. From Sons of Anarchy. Did you all hear me moan from River Rd yesterday morning??  Yummy!!  I think it's a great fit. He's sexy and he can be mean and dark and domineering. HAWT!!  And I love Dakota Johnson as Ana. She totally looks the part. I'm so excited!

I better go to bed. I am busy at the store and we have lots of school work this week!  My little homeschooler is kicking ass. And Mommy isn't self medicating upon arriving home. It's a win-win!!

Spreading my own special brand of kindness, joy and the aroma of REAL chili powder....

The Spice Mistress

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Going Off the Grid is Great - If You Can Ever Get There

We left our house at 11:30 this morning. We aren't even to Temple. Yeah. You read that right. We've been driving for over 3 hours and we aren't even to Temple. The traffic is horrific. And TXDOT, in their infinite wisdom, has 35 shut down to one lane on a HOLIDAY WEEKEND. Total bullshit.

Bubba is manning the house and farm animals. I can only hope the boys do not suffer from PTSD after this latest visit from Bubba. When he stayed at the house while we went to NOLA, he must have not treated them like the spoiled, precious little babies that they are. To show their displeasure with their caretaker, they pissed on Gary's pillows when we returned home. They were not happy with us - especially their Diddy.

We are now on a random Farm Market road and off of the Hell known as I35 South. Jesus. What a beatdown.

We normally got see Charlie at Gruene Hall on Saturday. This year, we are going to the Sunday show. I'm pretty sure tomorrow is also his actual birthday. Perhaps I should give him a spicy birthday kiss ;). I once dry humped his tour bus. With him in it. Don't judge.

Tonight we are grilling pork chops with red beans and rice, green beans, corn and yeast rolls. Tomorrow night is turkey and venison burgers prior to the evwning's festivities. I brought all of the eggs from that sort of takes care of breakfast!  I've got like 2 dozen or so. And they're gorgeous eggs!  Our brown ones are jumbo in size and is say the white ones are closer to medium sized.

Jeez - we've been moving forward for 15 minutes straight!  I don't think we've done that since we left our house and drove through Ennis. Gotta love holiday traffic.

I'm going to nap. Keep it real, folks ;)


Friday, August 30, 2013

Dave and The Amazing Strip Club

Yesterday, I was going over Paige's lessons for the day and I noticed that my child had written the words "amazing strip club" on the back of a Band-Aid package.  When she returned from the bathroom, the following conversation took place:

Me:  Paige, did you write this?
Paige:  Yes.  My friend Dave needed help.
Me:  Your friend Dave?  Who is Dave and what did he need help with?
Paige:  He needed me to help him build his amazing strip club.

At this point, I got sweaty and felt bile come up in my already acidy refluxish throat.  Still, I powered through it....

Me:  Paige, who is Dave?
Paige:  He's my friend on Minecraft.
Me:  What do you mean he's your friend?
Paige:  He's my friend.  I got on the multi player Minecraft server and he asked me to help him with his strip club.

And now, for the million dollar question....

Me:  Paige, do you know what a strip club is?
Paige:  No.  Should I?

I went on to explain to her what a strip club is and why it is never, ever a good idea to play with or talk to people via the internet when you are 9 years old and have no idea who you are dealing with.  At that time, I had to have the child predator conversation with my kid and while it's necessary to inform and protect our kids, that is NOT a fun conversation.  And Paige, as only she could, let me know the following:

Paige:  I didn't go in the strip club and dance.  I just helped him put the roof on.

Paige no longer plays Minecraft on the "multi player" server.
I no longer let my child out of my if I wasn't overbearing enough....

So that was a small window into our week of homeschooling -which has been fantastic by the way.  I'm so glad that we decided to do this and I'm expecting only greatness from this experience.

Other parts of my life?  Not so much greatness these days....but hey, who doesn't go through a shitstorm from time to time?

I had been away from my blog for so long that I forgot my password.  In all fairness, I had to change it right around the time I made my last post and without blogging regularly, the password faded from my memory.  I also attempted to create a new blog last night since I can't figure out how to edit this one anymore - Blogger has made some platform changes and it's sort of confusing.  Well....if you can't figure out how to change and existing one, you sure aren't going to know how to make a new one.  I was just expecting a little more guidance, but hey - I'm back on this one, so no worries.

I know a lot of people want me to talk about chili politics and I really don't know how I feel about wading into that shark infested ocean again.  Whether you speak the truth or not - and whether you do it in a respectful manner or not - you are going to piss off someone who isn't able to respect EVERYONE'S right to an opinion - especially if it differs from theirs.  Since the chili world makes up most of my customer base, I really don't see any advantage to pissing people off just so I can spew my opinion on my blog.  I have a handful (super small, baby size handful) of people I trust and share with.....this blog reaches too many not on the approved list.  So, don't hold out any hope of me going batshit crazy on the chili world via my blog...unless I can do it in super secretive, super passive aggressive language :)

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and that ya'll will check back often and read my blog.  It is my intention to blog at least every other day.  I shall endeavor to do so.

Keep it Spicy and ALWAYS Keep it Real (Ellis Co. Style if you can.......)

The Cadillac Cowgirl