Wife, Mommy, Spice Queen, Tooth Fairy

Like most moms, I wear many hats. At 12:12 am, it was crucial that I put on my Tooth Fairy costume and complete a covert mission to Paige's room in order to exchange a molar for money. The little toot wouldn't go to sleep. I know she was trying to catch the Tooth Fairy. Alas, I outlasted the kiddo and snuck in unnoticed. God help us when she figures out its Mommy and Daddy. I've been (WARNING: SPOILER ALERT!!!) easing her into to whole Santa Claus situation - dropping hints there and there, but she's still very much a believer. That could be pretty ugly when the truth comes out.....

So, I'm almost 40. According to my mother, I was birfalized at 2:22 pm on a Tuesday afternoon. I vaguely remember angels singing and trumpets blaring ;). But I digress. So, while I'm awake at 12:22 am on my 40th birthday, alone. In my bed. Blogging. Again, I digress. I'm not freaked out by turning 40. I was probably drunk at 20, pregnant at 30, so I want to be optimistic at 40. For the record, I was optimistic while 30 and pregnant. Who knew I was going to stroke out and give birth 2 1/2 months early??  Where was I?  Oh - up after midnight and I've just turned 40. My dogs celebrated by pissing in my bed. Well, it was Waylon, not Eddie. Little shit. Then, while changing the sheets, they both have the balls (literally. They still have theirs) to give me dirty looks and do that whole annoyed low growl thing because I'm disturbing them. Whatever!!

We made our annual pilgrimage to Gruene last weekend. After sitting in traffic for SIX HOURS we made it to L&L. The girls and I went straight to the ribber. Zoe complained that it was too cold. Not my kid. Within mere seconds Paige was submerged in the smelly, trashy, yet healing waters of the Guadalupe river. That baby was going to swim and a dead fish-type odor wasn't going to stop her!  After some time at Devil's Playground, we returned to camp where Daddy had everything set up and dinner ready to grill. We spent Sunday on the ribber and then headed to Gruene Hall to see our man Charlie Robison. Thanks to a bunch of dumbasses who insisted on screaming at him to play Loving County, CR showed them who was boss and did NOT play Loving County. Yes, I was sad. I thought Gary was going to cry right there at the bar. However, Charles Fitzgerald Robison, broken foot and all, put on one hell of a show. He broke out a little Waylon - I don't think Hank done it this way - Some Elton John, Lynyrd Skynyrd and he ended John O'Reilly with a little Dropkick Murphy's. I love him. I personally believe that you could stalk him and as long as you didn't pull anything like a Fatal Attraction or bother his kids, or get too weird, he'd probably dig it.

Is that what 40 is?  Laying the parameters for acceptable stalking behavior?  Hhhhmmmm.....

Speaking of stalker-ish behavior, lets talk about the elephant in the room.

No, no, not that elephant on the Internet saying all sorts of crazy shit!  I'm talking about 50 Shades of Grey and Christian Grey, the sexiest stalker EVER!!  C'mon people. This is a grown up blog. (This is Vogue). Sorry - SATC moment there.

Since my man Armie Hammer declined to play the sexiest S&M'er around, the role went to Charlie Hunnam. Not ringing a bell? Jax. From Sons of Anarchy. Did you all hear me moan from River Rd yesterday morning??  Yummy!!  I think it's a great fit. He's sexy and he can be mean and dark and domineering. HAWT!!  And I love Dakota Johnson as Ana. She totally looks the part. I'm so excited!

I better go to bed. I am busy at the store and we have lots of school work this week!  My little homeschooler is kicking ass. And Mommy isn't self medicating upon arriving home. It's a win-win!!

Spreading my own special brand of kindness, joy and the aroma of REAL chili powder....

The Spice Mistress