Conversations with Paige and a POS Pancreas

Hello there - how's everyone's Monday so far? Mine started out running late for my doctor's appointment and just ended with the "where babies come from" conversation with my eight year old. As Paige would say.....Awkward!!!!

We were at Walmart, quite possibly the most appropriate place for a kid to ask LOUDLY, "where do babies come from?". Mortified, I just looked at her and asked if we could have this conversation later. She wouldn't be discouraged....

"look, there's all these babies here and I want to know how they got in and out of their mommy's tummies. I think God is getting some help with those babies being born."

I told her that God does have help and that I'd explain it to her when we got home.....

So, we got home and not one word out of her about baby making or birthing. I was feeling like I had dodged a bullet again. I was wrong. At 8:55 pm, my child asked me point blank how babies were made. It was just me and her and two grilled cheese sandwiches. And two male dos humping one another. The perfect moment for that first mother daughter sex talk. It took me five minutes to find a way to ask her if she knew that boys and girls were made differently. I then asked her if she knew what sex was. (she didn't thank God.). So I then explained to her the scientific process and parts involved to make a baby. She seemed satisfied with my very procedural description of sex. I made it sound as unappealing as possible. She then told me that tomorrow I can tell her how they get out of the mommy's tummy. I can't wait. Seriously. That talk was as uncomfortable and weird as I imagined it would be. It did not disappoint.

I don't know what prompted my gut doctor, the amazing Sami Arslanlar, to shut me down. Was it my spot on description of my pancreatic nightmare? Or was it the Miller High Life hat I had on while I swore to him I do not overindulge in wine? Either way, I got put in my place and had my ass escorted downstairs for a CT Scan. Shades of Truong...my OB who used to wheel me over to L&D when I was preggers with The Juicy. So, kidding aside, my pancreas has just been really angry lately. I've ha days where I drink a few glasses of wine, and days when I don't drink at all. There have been a few evenings where I've crawled off in a bottle and finished it off by myself. I tell my doctor these things - I don't hide anything from him because I want him to FIX ME!!! The past few weeks I've had horrible reflux and just horrid stomach issues. Last Monday, I started having all of the pain and symptoms that come with acute pancreatitis. Gary was working and I refuse to drag my child to the ER in the middle of the night - unless she was the one sick, of course!! So I got an appointment for this morning and spilled my guts (pun intended) and got a stern talking to, a list of banned food and wine, and a delicious barium shake - oh and that cool IV contrast that makes you feel like you're peeing in your pants. And all before noon. How's that for a fantastic Monday?!?!? I'm not lucky to have a bad gall bladder to be the culprit behinds pancreatic issues. If that was the case, it could be removed and problem solved! Nope, I have a pancreas that doesn't function properly and any increase in alcohol, fatty foods, stress, Advil, even, cause serious problems for my pancreas. Hopefully Dr. Arslanlar can catch me in the middle of an attack this time and pinpoint a specific problem. I got a new acid reflux drug that he says is amazing and will help me feel better immediately. Oh, and no traveling for the next month. He did this to me last time - during the summer. He didn't care that it was interfering with my Guadalupe River private time!

So I'm off red meat indefinitely. Wine, too. I've been having a serious debate the past few years over whether or not I should go vegetarian for awhile. I know that when I've given up meat for Lent I've always felt so much better. I know I could do it, but it would require so much planning ahead on my part - something I suck at!!! I just want to feel better damnit!!

I'll blog more tomorrow. I need to post chili results from last weekend. My girls kicked ass!!!

The Cadillac Cowgirl