Stop the Insanity!!!

Will this year EVER go away? Sometimes I wonder. I was just thinking that it's been almost two years since I started this blog. Wow....I've pissed off a lot of people in two years....LOL!! Hahaha...no, that wasn't my reason for pointing that out. I was just thinking how much has happened in two years. On one hand, time and life both seem to drag by. Then, you look at your child or your spouse or your life situation and think, "where the hell did time go?" Or, if you are like me sometimes you think, "why does this shit keep dragging on?"

I'm a confusing animal, I know that. I'm equal parts confrontation/duke it out/move on and let me keep beating the dead horse just in case it's not dead. However, (and you know there's always a caveat with me), when I say drop it and move on, I mean, drop it and move on. I can't stand people who say they've moved on from something or their over a disagreement and you think everything has settled and then the next thing you know, it's a big deal again. Why do people do that? Is it because they're cajone-less and can't say what they need to say when the opportunity presents itself? Or are they incapable of standing firm on a decision and truly moving on? I have a third option, but I'm going to not mention it for fear of being accused of blogging about T&B Demolition...which I sort of am, but not as much as one might think.

So, in the spirit of the coming new year, my resolution is to let go. Breathe. Give shit a rest when it's time to give it a rest. What's done is done. It is what it is. There's no need to second guess ourselves in life. Where does that ever really lead us to? Regret? The inability to make a decision? You know what I'm talking about - you decide to do something and then you regret your decision - even though going with your first reaction is usually the right one. Or, you can't make up your mind and you go back and forth and back and forth. Or worse - you bounce your issues off of everyone else looking for clues to the right answer instead of listening to your head/heart/gut or whatever it is in you that guides you. And when we say we're done...then BE DONE WITH IT! Let it go! What's re-hashing a problem or issue nine thousand times really going to do for any of us besides make us doubt ourselves. I say live and die by what you decide to do. Have courage to make a decision, move on and give problems a rest. And if it turns out it wasn't the best move? Then change how you look at mistakes. They're lessons...and without life lessons, we never grow and become better, stronger people.

Which leads me to resolution numero dos.

Convenient Morality

Yep, that's been a big topic in my life this past year. Depending on your place on the food chain, what's good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander. And one person's wrong is another person's "that doesn't really apply to me and whatever I was doing wasn't really wrong because I've applied the convenient morality principal #11125885.1 to my actions. Yeah...right....

We're all guilty of it in some lesser/greater form or fashion. We all bargain our behavior...we all justify our actions and usually to the degree of whether or not what was being done to us was a greater foul on our moral agenda than what we might have been doing. That's taking it to extremes, but you know what I mean. And before ANYONE freaks out, I got Paige a phone for Christmas. Yes, she is young, probably too young for a phone, but I got it so that she can talk to Gammy as much as she wants. It's like a Batphone for Gammy. She has restricted access, low minutes, it's a Go Phone for God's Sake...see....I'm justifying...but that's not why I just let everyone know my 8 year old now has a phone. I wanted to tell you that I got on to her yesterday for not putting her phone down to pick up her stuff so we could leave the house. And what does my super smart Juicy of Love and Deliciousness say to me?

"You drop stuff all the time because you won't set your phone down."

And what did I say?

"I'm the mommy. I don't have to."

See, we're aaaaallllll guilty of it. She defended her actions by telling me I do the same thing so it can't be that bad and I turned it around on her and played the "Mommy Card". It's a web we all weave, like it or not. My goal this year is to not be that person...or get sucked in by people who do operate that way. I've dealt with that bullshit a lot this year (not from my kid, but from adults that you'd think would know better) and I'm over it. In fact, I'm tired of seething about it over hydrocodone and wine. I'm not going to do it anymore. I don't think any of us should have to. If there is one thing that I cannot stand, it's someone who thinks they have the moral high ground, when in fact, they crawled out of a hole like the snake that they are. That just does it for me.

Letting go of negative thoughts and energy as I type....really....typing harder and harder, but I'm letting those negative thoughts evaporate from my brain :) I think my keyboard is ready for me to take a break!

Numero Tres

Get on an airplane.

Yep, this is the year that I think I will actually step foot onto an airplane, buckle myself in and fly to my destination. I don't know when or where - and it's not going to be a long flight over any body of water - but I'm going to do it.

With the help of Xanax, of course.

And my last one....

Oh God, this is so hard....

Stop being late everywhere I go.

There, I said it. It really has become a pandemic in my life. I am constantly rushing and running late and forgetting shit and it's just got to stop. It's killing me and driving me crazy. I need a schedule. Shit, I need a handler. I can't manage myself anymore. I don't know whether I'm coming or going sometimes. I'm just all over the place and it has finally worn me the F**k out. Seriously.

So there, those are my goals for the coming year. Let's recap:

Let go of conflict and stop second guessing decisions. Move on when it's time to move on.

Stay away from douchebags and douchebaggery behavior (Also known as Convenient Morality and why it drives me batshit crazy).

Make an effort (Oh my God...already crawfishing) to no longer be late to appointments, school, the store, dinner reservations, lunch with my sister, to pick up my child, to the post office, and so on.

Those sound like challenging, yet attainable goals for the new year. I want to be a better person. I want to set a better example for Paige. I have goals for her, but I don't think it's fair to lay those on her. That would probably fall under the behavior in resolution #2 and I NEVER want to impart that type of example on Paige. EVER!

Well, that's my soapbox blog for the evening. Maybe for the rest of the year. Or two years. Who the hell knows. I kind of want to gripe about the city of Ennis City Manager and how he runs off all the good restaurants that come into town but then I'm afraid someone from Ennis will read my blog and blackball Mild Bills!!! I never know who's going to read my blog from their cozy seat in a restaurant up in Lewisville...drinking and driving in a company vehicle.

Did I just say that?

You're damn right I did....and it felt GOOOOOOOD!!!!!

Spread it around like you own it :)

K