The End is the Beginning is the End or Something Like That

Isn't that a Smashing Pumpkins song?

Let me get off track here for a minute. That reminded me of a guy I waited tables with at Pappasitos. He was the BIGGEST Billy Corgan freak. We used to argue about The Smashing Pumpkins and REM and who was the better band. (REM Duh!!!) But yeah..I can remember all of us hanging out at TGI Fridays after our shifts and arguing about music. Music has always been such an important part of my life and relationships. I knew Gary was the one because he was Van Halen not Van Hagar and Bon Scott instead of Brian Johnson (Except for Back in Black which would not have been the album it is without Brian Johnson) and he also loved SRV and did not like Rush. Or so he said. He's actually a Rush fan but lied because of my extreme dislike for them. But anyways. Still, music is something he and I have always had in common. We saw Hank for the first time together; Charlie Robison and now Jamey Johnson in October. I think I've got him converted to the house of Radiohead as well...he may not admit it, but he likes them.

Anyways....back to my original reason for blogging. The end is near for my time at T&B Demolition - at least my daily involvement. My office was boxed up today. Did I shed a tear; have a "moment"? F*CK NO!!!! HELL NO!!!! I can't get out of that badmotorfinger fast enough. It's like I can see myself having a heart attack at my desk if I don't get the hell out of that lifesucking office. I cannot wait until the store is ready, the inventory is moved and I'm officially Mild Bill's!!! This has been such a journey. I never wanted to own a business. Although I have an unusually high need for autonomy, I do fine as an employee. Let someone else be the idiot making all the decisions and on the hook for everything. I'm happy to work my hours and go home and leave work at work. The first few years at T&B, Gary was the batshit crazy one. He worked 24/7 and was a terror to live with. Looking back on that time, had he not been so obsessed with T&B, it wouldn't be successful. Still, it was hard on our marriage. I think we're lucky to have survived because it is not easy to own a business with your spouse and if anyone tells you otherwise, they're lying. Over the last three years, I'm the one who has become consumed with work as I'm the one responsible for the finances (regardless of other's stupid decisions), making sure bills are paid (or not), payroll is met, etc. It's been tough. I can't stress how tough it has been to run and stay in business in this recent economy. It's been one of the most intensely stressful times in my life. I know more than anyone that you can't have the good without the bad, but it still doesn't make it easier - especially when things are BAD! We are extremely fortunate - our business has survived. But it hasn't been without huge sacrifices and a lot of knock down drag out fights...or in the case of our business partner, complete lack of support or concern, but whatever. For the most part, it's been Gary and I who have run T&B, with the help of others who do see T&B as their own, and it's been hard. And it's worn me out. Hell - it's worn all of us out. So, if you are my parents, or my trusty person charged with protecting me from the stupid people, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting in the foxhole with me and Gary and sticking with us, even when it sucked. Thank you to my husband for always, always making sure I have everything I need and for as politically incorrect as it sounds, buying me a business because he believed in what I could do with it long before I did. I'm not ashamed to admit that I do need my husband and that marrying him makes me a feel like a more complete person than if I had just continued to float around this world on my own. Just don't ask me to confirm any of this information in the mornings when I'm dead tired because his loud ass snoring broke through my earplugs and he wouldn't go get on the couch and what I'd really like to do is put a pillow over his head. I digress...again.... :)

So Gary is on his way home with the stove and some of the kitchen equipment. The store is finished and we are soooo close!!! I have to get over to WR's and take him what I want painted on the two front windows. I can't believe this is finally happening. I don't know whether to laugh or cry or have a nervous breakdown. I can't believe that I'm a week away from owning something that I know is going to be a joy to have a hell of a lot more than it is a beatdown. I cannot wait to start selling spices out of the store and talking to customers about spices...and sharing samples and recipes using Mild Bill's products. I finally, finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. And it is soooo friggin bright I can hardly stand it.

This is the beginning of my beginning - and it can't start soon enough!

Spreading joy, kindness and sometimes deep, bizarre thoughts that manage to involve music and other odd things....

The Cadillac Cowgirl